


Selfish Archipelago Script

by snapephobic



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Canon - IT (Book/Movie/Miniseries Combination), IT - Freeform, Jaeden Martell, M/M, Movie: IT (2017), Movie: IT Chapter Two (2019), Selfish Archipelago - Freeform, jaeden Lieberher - Freeform, wyatt oleff - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:00:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21611872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snapephobic/pseuds/snapephobic
Summary: This is the script for Selfish Archipelago, made by IT and Guardians of the Galaxy actor Wyatt Oleff, along with IT and Book of Henry actor Jaeden Martell.
Kudos: 5





	Selfish Archipelago Script

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Selfish Archipelago](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/538966) by Wyatt Oleff. 



> This got taken down before, but I just want to say that this IS a fan work, as I wrote it, and it’s a bit different from the original. Thank you.

SCENE ONE

Johnny walks in, opens fanny pack, and puts on some chapstick before closing it and putting it back in the fanny pack.  
Johnny: (under breath) ‘kay…. I’m Johnny Wittworth and I’m… 12 years old. -I’m from Arkansas, Kansas… and I’m here to audition for-uh-the part of St-Stanley Urine.  
David opens the door.  
David: Hey man!  
Johnny: Oh, hey.  
David: Um-I-uh-I have something really cool to show you.  
Johnny: (interrupts) Really?  
David: Yeah, I bring it in-I can go get it.  
Johnny: Should I bring my hat?  
David: Nah, I’m gonna go get it. You can stay here.  
Johnny: Okay.  
David: I’ll be right back.  
David leaves. Johnny waits and looks at the camera like he’s on the Office. David walks back in with a gaming device.  
David: Here it is, man.  
Johnny: Oh, really?  
David: Yeah, here it is.  
Johnny: What is it?  
David: It’s-it’s like-it’s a vide-it’s a video game.  
David: (Walks over). Yeah, and so-like-you put it in (demonstrates putting it in.) And, like, I guess it’s haunted.  
Johnny: (under breath) Oh, really?  
David: Yeah, so… (garbled nonsense)  
Johnny: Can I play with it?  
David: Okay, Here you go. (gives the video game to Johnny.)  
Johnny tries to put the game in, David corrects him.  
David: Nah, it’s like-  
Johnny: Like this?  
David: Yeah.  
Johnny: So should you be-  
David: So press the on.  
Johnny: Where’d it go? Oh okay.  
David: It’s okay.  
Johnny: It’s okay.  
David: The on is on right there… wait… no, that’s the volume.  
Johnny: Oh!  
David: Oh it’s right there.  
Johnny: Ready?  
David: Yeah.  
Johnny turns the device on.  
David clutches his stomach.  
David: Ow! Woah, woah.  
Johnny: Ding! Eh… Ahhhhh…

SCENE TWO

A cyclone appears behind them.  
Woah! A cyclone.  
David laughs nervously.  
David: A spinning cyclone!  
Johnny: It’s a cyclone!  
Unintelligible talking.  
Johnny: It’s starting.  
David: Ahhhhhhhh ahhhhhhh. Oh god. Ohhhhh.  
Cut to black. 

SCENE THREE

We see Johnny lying down while music plays. He breathes suddenly.  
Johnny: (whispers) Where am I? Uh… where’s-where’s David? (says loudly) David? Where are you, David?  
He gets up and puts his hat on.  
What is this?  
He pulls out the video game and opens it.  
(on screen) William Cash: Hello! I’m William Cash and you’ve entered my game, Selfish Archipelig-go, and I-and I am here to explain the game so you understand how to beat it… and such. So the first thing you’re gonna need to do is you need to collect-um-you need to collect-uh-little-uh koalas and put them in a-in a bottle, and if you bring, like, at least ten of them to me, I’ll give you, like, a prize, and you can leave the game with, like, two koalas. Oh. Go ahead. There’s no rules, you can kill anyone, (except daveed) so, have fun. Peace!  
Johnny closes device and puts it in the fanny pack.  
Johnny: I wonder…. how I’m supposed to get this… bottle…  
Bottle appears in hand.  
Johnny: The-the bottle! Huh… I must have… as soon as I must have said bottle, it must have been summoned to my… hand. That must have… be how this game works. Mhm… but first, before finding these koalas, I must find David.  
Thinking pose.  
Johnny: Where could he be? Let’s go.  
Runs away.

SCENE FOUR

Johnny: I wonder where he could’ve gone. I’ll check my mini-map.  
Pulls out gaming device.  
Johnny: There’s a location over here… known as the bathroom, also known as El Baño. Maybe he’s gone in here.  
Looks at door.

SCENE FIVE

Opens door.  
David is standing inside.  
Johnny: David!  
David: Johnny?  
Johnny: What’re you... doing here?  
David: Johnny, what’re you doing here?  
What’re you doing?  
Johnny goes in for a hug.  
Johnny: I’ve been looking everywhere for-  
David: Hey… back up, back up, back up.  
Johnny: (whispers) David…  
David: (breathlessly) I’m sorry. I can’t trust anyone anymore.  
Johnny: What are you doing, David. You’re my brother.  
David: I’m doing what I must. I alreddie collected 5 of the 10 koala bears.  
Johnny holds up 4 fingers.  
Johnny: Five of them?!  
David: Five! And I-I can’t trust anyone. I have to win this game.  
Johnny: David, this game has maded you into a maniac, David.  
David: (thrusts device at Johnny) I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Johnny.  
Johnny: David…  
David: You have to engage me in battle!  
Johnny: Friends don’t do this, David.  
David: We’re not friends.  
Johnny: Friends don’t do this, David.  
David: We’re not friends.  
Johnny: Friends don’t do this, David.  
David: We’re not friends, Johnny.  
There is a very apparent pause.  
Johnny: If I must…  
Johnny dramatically unzips fashion accessory and pulls out gaming device. Then he dramatically opens the device.  
If I must….  
Game noises. The game starts. Both look up. Johnny slaps David and David dramatically falls, with an interesting facial expression. 

SCENE SIX

Johnny flips and closes gaming device dramatically, then throws it into his fashion accessory and VERY dramatically zips it up. He bends down and pushes on David’s stomach and leaves it there for eternity.  
Johnny: (under breath) David...  
David: Ugh… ugh… I’m sorry I betrayed you. I didn’t mean for it to come to this. You must take my koala bears. And win… win the game.  
Johnny: I cannot.  
David: You must.  
Johnny: I cannot.  
David: I don’t have any life energy.  
Johnny: David, I cannot take your… bears.  
David: You must. Please. Please! Take it, You have to.  
Johnny: Let me see those eyes, let me see those eyes, brother. (takes off amazing exquisite never seen before (in stores) blue sunglasses with gold frames)  
Let me see those eyes. Beautiful eyes. You got them from your mother. Goodnight, David. Goodnight, David. (whispers, thinking no one can hear that he has no accent.)  
I will always love you. (does a weird nose scrunch and wipes his face off.)  
Johnny stands up. He proudly shows you his koala kollection of 5(4)... bears while a speech bubble shows the word “uhhhhh”. 

SCENE SEVEN

Johnny steps into the shower and teleports to somewhere. A Magikarp is thrown at him and he fights it. Once beaten, a koala appears. He fights an invisible creature. Then he takes off his hat, bends down as a koala falls from it, and smiles proudly, before dropping the koala into the bottle. He now has seven koalas. He does some really bad pushups and some strange dance. He attempts to juggle with only two balls. He finds a koala under a pillow. “Bruh” sound effect. He does some sit-ups while punching air. He picks up a top hat.  
Johnny: What’s this? (Reaches in) Is that a… koala? The final… koala? (Drops koala.)  
He flips the hat over. 

SCENE EIGHT

The camera starts shaking as William Cash stands up.  
Master: It’s me. Jo-It’s me, Johnny.  
Johnny: It’s you!  
Master: It’s me the Gamemaster.  
Johnny: Wha-What’re you doing here? I have the nine koalas (wipes nose again) I have the ten koalas.  
Master: Well, I’m the final test. So you’re gonna have to-you’re gonna have to fight me.  
Johnny: Okay.  
Master: I’m your final challenge.  
Johnny: Now take off that mask. Who are you?  
Master: If you must know… (lifts mask)  
Johnny: (biggest gasp ever) It’s you! John C. Riley!  
David: No. It’s actually me. Joh-John Twist.  
Johnny: John Twi-John Twi-John Twist! It’s you, John Twist. (gasps)  
David: Mmhm… Hey… I’m here to fight you. Get ready!  
(gaming starts)  
Johnny: Nope.  
David: Nah-ah.  
Gasps all around. They both look up and simultaneously slap each other. 

SCENE NINE

They reappear lying on the floor, each with only one arm.  
Twist: Well… guess that settles it.  
Johnny: Okay.  
Twist: You’re the winner… of Selfish Archipelajago.  
Johnny: Did you hear my stomach?  
Twist: Yeah… Congratulations.  
Johnny: Thank you Johnny. I appreciate it.  
Twist: No problem.  
Johnny: I don’t know why I killed my friend.  
Twist: Yeah I-yeah that sucks. Sorry about that.  
Johnny: That’s okay. He was kinda douchey anyway.  
Twist: You think so?  
Johnny: Yeah, whatever.  
Twist: Yeah, I do, too.  
Yeah, I’m gonna go now. You’ll be, like, transported back soon, but-  
Johnny: Alright.  
Twist: Take care.  
Twist gets up.  
Twist: Ow.

THE END  
Of the saddest, most tragic love story ever

**Author's Note:**

> Again, please don’t report this, as it is a fan work.


End file.
